I'm so excited, let me get my notes together. Oh, so many things. Happy Friday, my Friday, friends. But before I get to the monologue, I want to send our thoughts to those who are currently suffering, not him, I'm talking about people experiencing the wrath of Hurricane Ian, not hurricane Gutfeld, though what a mess I've left behind. Brian Williams. Oh, man, I'm taunting karma, aren't I? Yeah, I am. I've been fired many times. Yeah, you got Brian Williams. You got Don Lemon. You got James Corden, Samantha Bee, and now Trevor. I'd say Seth Meyers is next, but I really like her work, she's a keeper. Now, as for all of our friends down south, in all seriousness, dealing with the hurricane, our hearts are with you and especially with this guy. There he is. You know, if that doesn't reflect the spirit of America, when times get tough, I don't know what does. We're with you Florida flag guy, wherever you ended up. R.I.P.
‘GUTFELD!’ MAKES HISTORY, UNSEATS STEPHEN COLBERT AS NEW KING OF LATE-NIGHT TELEVISION
So this week, former President Trump suggested that he could lead a team to broker peace between Ukraine and Russia. Yeah, someone finally mentioned peace. He did it on his own app, Truth Social, where he wrote, "U.S. leadership should remain cool, calm and dry on the sabotage of the Nord Stream pipelines. This is a big event that should not entail a big solution. Do not make matters worse. Be strategic. Be smart. Brilliant." He's got it in parentheses. "Get a negotiated deal done now. Both sides need it and they want it. The entire world is at stake. I will head up group." Three question marks after that, that means it's real.
Of course, being Trump, he had to remind everybody that this war never would have happened under his watch. And we'll never know if that's true, of course, but we do know he can't do worse than his bumbling successor, who only strikes fear in pre-teens with ponytails. Speaking of, let's check in on him.
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Not the right way to go. They did find him three hours later on an interstate clutching a teddy bear. Now, this wasn't the first time Trump called for a peace and negotiated peace between Russia and Ukraine. In April, he said they should negotiate "now... not later," when everyone will be dead. Exclamation point. And as you know, it's hard to talk to dead people, as hard as Biden tries.
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Yeah, that's normal. But despite having no diplomatic experience, Trump understood a war's most lamentable variable, duration. The longer it goes, the worse it gets in terms of loss of human life and loss of treasure. And so he said this.
TRUMP: RUSSIA INVASION OF UKRAINE A CONSEQUENCE OF WORLD LEADERS 'NO LONGER' RESPECTING AMERICA
PRESIDENT TRUMP 2019: I really hope that you and President Putin get together and can solve your problem. That would be a tremendous achievement.
Look at Zelensky's face, he does not want to hear that. But that was three years ago. Of course, no one wanted to take that seriously at the time because it's Trump. So is this recent offer a crazy idea, a desperate idea, or a brilliant one? It could be all three. Like when I shaved Bill Hemmer's back, I just left his initials. That could mean a lot of things.
Fact is, with Trump, his penchant for deal making makes him a better diplomat than most. You table the animosities and grudges in deals, and you ask both parties what they want to get out of this. Everyone needs an off ramp, including Putin, or else there isn't an end, just mountains of dead. There's no food or gas, and we're one errant missile away from America joining World War III with a president who has cabbage for brains. So what do you think the biggest obstacle to world peace really is? Is it corruption? Sure. Authoritarianism? Maybe. Jesse Watters? Perhaps. But you're close with that.
VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS COMMENDS US ALLIANCE WITH 'REPUBLIC OF NORTH KOREA' IN DMZ SPEECH GAFFE
My guess it's ego. A subject I'm an expert in, for it's ego that keeps people in power from listening to those other people that they can't stand who can help them. Maybe because they aren't diplomats or they aren't in your party or they're Donald Trump. However, Trump's provided the world with two huge successes and it's not that The Apprentice or his signature ribeye steaks, which are delicious. You still have my address, right? You can send them there. First, North Korea, without any diplomatic experience, Trump obliterated the threat like they were Hillary Clinton's dreams. He was laughed at, but he did it. And now what do we have in his place at the DMZ?
KAMALA HARRIS: So the United States shares a very important relationship, which is an alliance with the Republic of North Korea, and it is an alliance that is strong and enduring.
It is, is there a 25th Amendment for the vice president or as she would call it banana fufu, carrot top. Then there's the Abraham Accords, orchestrated by Trump's son-in-law, who again had no experience in diplomacy, although having Trump as a father-in-law looks better than anything on Anthony Blinken's resumé. But I'm starting to think diplomacy is like co-hosting "Fox & Friends," anybody can do it. Idiots like Tony Blinken and John Kerry, they just make it look hard.
But the Trump administration brokered a deal between sworn enemies. If this were a Democrat White House, the staff would have Nobel Prizes coming out of their asses, which is less painful than going in, I've heard. So now you have Trump offering to help. And I'm sure that drew dismissive laughter from all the useless nothing-crats. But why should they be laughing? It's not any funnier than Democrats believing men could get pregnant.
PLANNED PARENTHOOD DOCTOR TELLS CONGRESS MEN CAN GET PREGNANT: ‘THIS IS MEDICINE’
REP. ANDREW CLYDE, R-GA: Dr. Kumar, can biological men become pregnant and give birth?
DR. BHAVIK KUMAR: So men can have pregnancies, especially trans-men.
REP. ANDREW CLYDE, R-GA: So are you saying that a biological female who identifies as a man and therefore becomes pregnant is, a "man"?
DR. BHAVIK KUMAR: Somebody with a uterus may have a capability of becoming pregnant, whether they're a woman or a man. That doesn't mean.
REP. ANDREW CLYDE, R-GA: Okay, we're done.
I have a feeling America is almost at the point of saying, "yeah, we're done." At least what Trump is offering makes sense, and no wonder the Dems don't like it, they never see that stuff. Right now, they have no way forward diplomatically in ending a war that we are paying for. Fact is, Trump might be the only person to pull this one off, but perhaps with the help of another guy. Yeah, that guy who also saw the folly in picking sides between these two countries. Now, could you imagine this? A peace team that feels exactly like a buddy cop movie? One unorthodox wild man, another a by the book bureaucrat, it's like Lethal Weapon, 48 HRS., and Laverne & Shirley all rolled into one, that's a brilliant idea. But in order for this to happen, Obama and others would have to lose their ego. It's the same thing I tell Jesse Watters when he keeps spray-painting his bald spot.
Our leaders should ask themselves, would I be okay with real peace if Trump had a role? If you say no, then that's your ego talking, and you value it more than human life, which sadly makes you another useless diplomat. Let's go to Joy Behar for a comment.
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It's Friday and yeah, I'm going to be milking that one for a while.
